What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

True - how I loved my mum!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What is the best technique for inserting a tampon into one’s anus?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What qualities do single women typically look for in a man? Is it a common preference for women to want a man who earns more than they do?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

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She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What! how could you do that?

Why do some women squirt and some don't?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What do you mean son?

Do you know what she said mum?

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Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?